Why we feel what we feel

The relationship between values, beliefs, thoughts and feelings

The experience of going through infertility brings with it a rollercoaster of emotions that gets us by surprise and can be difficult to manage.
It’s important to understand why we feel what we feel. When we are aware of our emotions, and where they come from, we can start to understand them and manage them.

As we grow up, we learn certain habits, values and beliefs from our parents, family, teachers and friends. Quickly we assume those values and beliefs as our own. These become the lenses with which we see the world, our unique interpretation of what is happening. The way we perceive an experience, makes us feel a certain way, and take certain actions which lead to the results we have in life.

However, the values and beliefs we got from those people whom we value and trust, often end up not being very useful, to cope with circumstances, those people didn’t have to deal with. When we recognize that values and beliefs are learned, we can unlearn them, and choose better values and beliefs that can help us cope with our unique challenges. If we want to change our view of the World, we need to start by changing our values and beliefs.

When going through infertility, it is normal to feel angry, sad, depressed. These emotions are part of the Process of Grief - the natural process of losing the belief that pregnancy would happen quickly and easily. It is also normal to go back and forth in this process of grief, we try to cope with repetitive losses. Allow yourself to feel your emotions as you go through these experiences. But know that where you are right now, doesn’t last forever, and this too shall pass. With time, it is possible to learn how to cope with the loss, explore new options and live a meaningful life. If at any point you are not being able to cope with these emotions, get professional support.